Johnny Pye: The Mirror . . . . . .

Over sushi this evening, Johnny tells me "Little one, today is the first time I "really feel the cancer inside me". " I don't feel right or that good", I can't explain it he says.

My unagi hovers before my drooling mouth, now hesitant at what more he is to tell me, as Johnny tells me how sad, emotional and tired he is, the knot in his tummy, the pain, the dread of what is coming. The cancer, he feels it, the toxin in his body. The daily grind inside his tummy or shall we say the orchestra. The tears come, they roll furiously, large pear drops of tears, now pouring down, both of us now, the waiter he hovers, unsure, watches and disappears swiftly. How Johnny hates seeing himself in the mirror as he gets dressed for the day or evening. To push himself to wear nice clothes, a nice pair of trousers, (but, only to have to tighten with a belt on the last notch, but not before he has added another notch), a shirt with a warm snugly jacket, and a smart pair of Italian shoes, topping it off with a slouchy beanie does not seem fashionable, along with the constant accessory of woolen gloves, even in 75 degrees of heat.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror is a reminder of now and what more is to come, and not the memory of how he used to be. Men do groom, they do take the greatest care in shaving, the quick slap of gel to the hair, with a splash of aftershave scent. Lovely. My Johnny, too, took pride in getting dressed. Smart and dapper. It was wonderful to walk into a restaurant with Johnny, holding his hand as I look up to him with pride.

Cancer is taking its toll on Johnny, his wedding ring frequently slips off, from the loss of weight and his cold tingly fingers. The translucency of his pale skin, the red rawness around his eyes, and now the loss of is blond locks. Today his level of energy is No 4. This is weak, no strength. Oh how my darling do you push yourself, where do you pull that inner strength from.

We are into March and we wonder what is to come for us.

We plan to take a break go to the beach, with the puppies, take time out for us, "to have and to hold", we indeed shall. "To love and to cherish", indeed we shall, "in sickness and health", we shall. On the tail end we will spend shared moments in Napa with some good solid friends. Our friends, wife, she tells me "your hearts will always be bound, the love you share is rare".

In all relationships, we all give our partner an endearing pet name. For those of you that know us, love us and read this blog, know that Johnny is my BooBoo and I am his BooBette. Haha I am sure you smiled right there my reader friends.

The five photos below are for you my darling BooBoo - I love and truly adore you.